Monday, September 18, 2006

Approach Anxiety

Saturday night, I got hit with severe approach anxiety. Even worst than that I had not even left the house. I believed what happen was that I knew I was not going to drink. I guess when my mind actually figure out that I was not going to drink, it threw in everything it could to keep me from going out. The last time I felt like that was about 3 years ago when I had to give a speech to 2,000 plus audience. The butterflies, rambling in the mind, a sense of complete terror.

What I found out was that the approach anxiety was not really the problem, and the problem was a fear of not knowing what to do. Being sober eliminated that. I got so much of a rush being sober. It was weird. In fact it was easier. Meaning I was prepared, openers, stories, dhvs, etc... I knew what to do but it did not seem to matter, because in the situations I found myself all that kinda came in play kinda on autopilot.

Did the actual approach anxiety go away? Not really, I was still nervous when I started my first conversation, but it lasted about 10 seconds. I really don't no what happen, but it was a feeling that I was in control and the more I felt that the more fun I began to have.


Anonymous said...

I'm starting to see a pattern with myself. When AA comes back, the tougher it is, the more fun I have when I ignore it and just go!

There's this one night, where I got AA and I figured "okay, there it is.. I guess tonight's not gonna be fun after all" and it ended up being a crazy adventure, on which I met my ex-girlfriend (we were together for 8 months, haha).

What a turn of events.

Sniper said...

It's crazy. Right? Granted, it will always be there, but sometimes it's crippling and from out of no where.

The one thing I learned this weekend and think I'm realy starting to get is that it really isn't as bad as you imagine it to be. Maybe you screw up the first set, so what? You brike through the barrier.

It was just weird for it to come up on me like that so strongly.