Wednesday, June 28, 2006

My Slutty Ex-Assistant

My former assistant is JackRabitt’s ex-girlfriend. When they first broke up three months ago, she went on a drunken bender. Who hasn’t? The only problem with her bender is that it only led to drinking all night and eating all day and gaining weight effectively downgrading her from a solid HB8 to a B7. Now, she is on a sex bender effective prowling DC to find guys to have sex with. Her only rules are that she will not speak to a guy first, he has to initiate the conversation and if he is not a complete idiot, she would more than likely hookup with him.

Last night I watch guys blow this time and time again.

First Approach
She walks near a 4-set of guys, looks around like she’s lost, finally a grabs her arm and they begin to chat. He buys her drink, they talk some more, she leaves group. I ask what happen. She says he just started interviewing me, I just want to hookup.

Some drunk guy starts talking to us. He buys us drinks, but he just stares at her tits. She goes to the bar and just stands the alone. A two-set of guys roll up order drinks and start talking to her. She is laughing, looks like she having some fun. Drunk guy starts blabbing to me. Two minutes later she comes back. I asked what happen this time. She says they are actually pretty nice guys, but they started in on I wanna take you here, I have this, I have that. What’s wrong with that, I asked. Nothing except I don’t want a boyfriend or a date, I just want to hookup.

Now this whole routine continues for about another hour, I finally asked if all you are trying to do is hookup then why are you bailing. She responded that all these guys want to do is date and then have sex or maybe around midnight when they are drunk they would want to hookup, it’s Tuesday I just want plain ole’ sex not drunk sex or some simple fun, some laughs, or some shit like that, not the same ole’ boring: what do you do, I have this, I’ll take you her; or maybe a simple hello, some talk about the World Cup or something current, a couple of jokes, a couple of drinks, and some excuse to go back his place or mine. I started laughing because she just outline the Mystery Method in the simplest terms, granted the Mystery Method is more in-depth than that and there’s tons of details, but her explanation was basically Approach, Comfort, Seduce.

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