Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Vernacular

Carlos Xuma in his Secrets of an Alpha Man's CDs talks about nice guys and how they really are not nice guys but conniving people. Not only does Xuma talk about this, but so have others, "Why Nice Guys Sucks", in the Humor Archives gives an excellent insight into how nice guys are and the effects of their deeds; many of these deeds I have to admit I have perform myself.

So, what does this have to do with vernacular? Well, as I continue along with my endeavor, I have learn a lot and changed a lot, yet there are things that I do that are not, I guess, congruent to whom I am slowly becoming. After reading, The Compliance and Value Model, I did some re-thinking on my behavior and interactions with women. What I realized is that when I advance to the next step with a women, it usually due to something I have said or done that to move the interaction or relationship along; when I have been flaked on or had to go a step backwards is when I have said or done something that is inconsistent with the current interaction. For example, my best interactions are when I say something direct i.e.. I am going be at the ____ on Sat.; versus when I have to take a step backwards or get flaked upon when I say something like... Do you want to hang out? (<- Nice Guy way of asking someone out)

Now, am I saying that this happens because of nervousness? I do not think so. I believe that in some interactions I say nice guy things because it is a habit, a subconscious habit, like biting your nails. Sometimes you do not know you are biting your nails, you have to make a conscious effort to not bite your nails.

So this is where I am, new parts of me are starting to go on automatic and old parts are still in automatic. I have to consciously stop the old behavior in order to let the new behavior fully take over. So it's not only about doing the routines, openers, cocky/funny, and all the new stuff out there, it is also about fundamentally changing habits in yourself that may have been there for decades and because even if you have all the signs that a woman likes you, you have to have a conversation with her, in which the way you speak intentionally or unintentionally will effect your success or failure.





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